I'm not comfortable dating someone who isn't perfect...

It's been nearly a month since I last wrote, I fully blame it on the lack of inspiring things in my life. I've had a lot on my mind the last few weeks and I guess I've just now gotten to the point where I just needed to put it down and get it out of my head. The Yankees and their injuries are killing me right now. But, on the bright side, they are doing a whole hell of a lot better than they were last season at this time. That has to count for something, right? Or I just keep telling myself that to help me sleep better at night. Usually it doesn't work, though. The Cavs are in the playoffs once again. I'm a little disappointed that they didn't close out the series Wednesday night though. No reason they should be able to beat the Wizards and it would have been nice to see them close it out at home. There's always Friday and they better do it then. For some reason I don't get TNT though, so I can't even watch the games and it pisses me off.

Some new people moved in downstairs yesterday. The girl is actually related to the woman who lived downstairs before... they were an annoying couple. Loud sex, loud music, loud walking, loud showering... they just did everything humanly possible way too loud. I'm interested to see what these people are going to be like. I never asked my old neighbors to be quiet because I know my friends and I like to raise the deciple level a whole hell of a lot, too. Especially for our weekly Wednesday night events.

The situation with the male species hasn't changed for one moment and I really am not sure it's going to anytime soon. It got to the point where I stopped looking and stopped caring like everyone said I should and guess what? Nothing happened! Maybe there is this one boy, and this other boy. But that creates conflict that I cannot share. They both make me smile and make me really nervous. It's really not all that common that a boy has the ability to make me nervous and both of them happen to do just that. I don't like to really put myself out there, I don't like my feelings to be known and it's a struggle sometimes. It gets to the point where just being in the same room as a certain guy can make me extremely uncomfortable, if I like him. I don't like feeling that what someone else may or may not feel or think about me could impact me on so many levels. It's a scary feeling. I don't even know if I really am even looking for a relationship, I just want someone who's company I enjoy. Someone who makes me feel special. For once I don't want to have to be the one making the moves. I want a guy to just walk up to me, tell me I'm beautiful and kiss me. Then we can figure the rest out from there. If he's lucky and I'm lucky, he'll take my breath away.

Allow myself to introduce .... myself.

In the past twelve months, my life has been anything but predictable. Last year at this time I was preparing myself for the possibility of leaving life in Rochester, NY and moving to New York City for five months. I was waiting to hear back if I was indeed going to be chosen to take part in the Yes Network reality show, Ultimate Road Trip: Season Three. March 27, 2007 I moved into an apartment off of Broadway with five total strangers, and since that very day my life has been totally altered. I left the show in Late August and upon my return to Rochester, I realized life would never go back to the way it was during the 24-years that I lived there. To put it mildly, I was not a happy person. About two months after I returned home, I packed my bags and relocated with my company and moved to Central New Jersey. Everyone told me how brave I was to make sure a big move all by myself, and I never really even thought of it as a big deal and I guess it never really occurred to me how difficult it would get at times. When it all boils down to it though, I am really proud of myself for doing what I had always wanted to do with my life.

I’m sitting on my friend’s couch in Boston, watching Making the Band 4 (Props to Day 26 – Q is from the Roc) and really just dreading going back home to Jersey tomorrow. I have to go back to work after a week off and it’s surely something I am not looking forward to. I’ve worked for the same company for 10-years and I am really ready to put myself out there and do something different with my life. As life rolls on, I sometimes recall things that I wanted to do with my life when I was a little girl. I think at one point or another I wanted to be just about everything under the sun – A dolphin trainer, an astronaut, a police officer, a marine (for those who really know me – that is a hysterical thought), a photographer, a fashion-designer, an MTV Vee-Jay… you name it, I wanted to do it. I may not be a lot of things but one thing I’ve always prided myself on is the fact that I am very self-aware. I know exactly who I am, what I want and what I need to do to get what I want. I’ve never been afraid to take chances, and I need to make sure I continue to be that way. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it in the end.

Last night my friend and I took in a little NBA action at the Garden – Celtics vs. Cavaliers. While it was truly one of the worst games I have ever seen the Cavs play in, it was a historic event as King James became the youngest NBA player to record 10,000 points. Now who really wants to argue with me that Lebron couldn’t hang with Jordan back in the day? I didn’t think so. Let’s all take a moment and realize we are currently witnessing a man who, when his career is done will more than likely be considered the best player in the game. Just like what Yankee fans need to realize about Alex Rodriguez. Be thankful that man is putting on the pinstripes. But, guess what? 31 days until Opening Day, the final Opening Day at Yankee Stadium. In the meantime, please keep Bobby Murcer in your thoughts and prayers.

Somehow I'll manage to get my ass back to New Jersey. Maybe.